Something I get asked often by those who are bereaved, like you, like me is “Where are my loved ones now?” “Are they safe?” “Are they happy?” “Will I see them again?”I believe they are and you will, but what I believe doesn’t matter, it’s what you believe. It’s your belief alone that ultimately is going to answer those questions for you.
You might be scrambling about in the dark right now wondering what you do think about life after death. You will no doubt fall into one of these categories:
Yes with absolute certainty.
No, there is nothing after death.
I’m confused; I don’t really know what I believe.
Words linked to the afterlife you may hear and know are heaven, hell, a peaceful place, a sanctuary, the hereafter, kingdom, nirvana, paradise, eternity and Elysian Fields. There are others soul progression, lessons in life, reincarnation. Many of those words are linked to a spiritual foundation or a faith.
It is often the loss of a loved one and the very questions that we ask above which become the triggers for exploration and lead us on a quest to find out more. I did just that and continue to explore my belief systems and my spirituality in general. I would encourage you to do the same and go looking for the answers you seek.
I’ve read hundreds of books: Christian and spiritual texts, books written by mediums, psychiatrists undertaking past live regressions, near death experiences, angelic encounters, after death communications and much more. It’s stretched me beyond what I knew or believed and strengthened my spiritual foundation, my belief that yes; my son is safe, is happy and is beyond the suffering that we are experiencing here on earth.
I may not know with certainty, none of us really do, but I choose to believe that. It gives me a great deal of comfort. It gives me hope. It gives me peace in my heart but more it sustains me through my darkest days. There are always dark days. Although my life is full and happy now the loss of my precious son’s physical presence always sits within me, alongside my life and always will. There are tears and there are sad days. My belief doesn’t make those go away, it helps me to deal with it.
One of the books I did read very early on was Heaven Is So Real by Choo Thomas which describes her Christian faith and visit to heaven. You know now I can’t even recall where I borrowed it from but there is one thing from that book that will never leave me. She described the flowers in heaven, the colours as being bigger and brighter than here on earth. Just prior to my reading that book I received a “message” from my son. Guess what he spoke of….flowers. He said I would like it where he was, there were so many flowers, and they were bright, so very bright and colourful. That is why I remember that book and that passage. It was an affirmation yet again that yes, he was safe.
So there is much to ponder. If you are already of a strong belief and faith, that alone may already guide and support you greatly through your pain. If you are not, go exploring, go seeking, and go find what you are looking for.
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below…
Maureen Hunter is a grief coach, bereaved mother, author and speaker. She is widely known for providing inspiration and instilling hope into the lives of many experiencing grief and loss. Her unique gifts lie in understanding the territory of grief and insightfully helping individuals how to deal with grief and move forwards into their own “living after loss”. 
{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Maureen. I totally agree with you. My dad has been gone 17 mths and I would give ANYTHING-even my own life- to hug him again. I am lucky in that I feel him around me all the time and he has even come to me in a dream which I will never forget. I know he is with me and looking out for me. My daughter and I have gone to mediums and dad has come through to tell us he is ok and happy and I really believe that. And that gives me so much comfort and I talk to him all the time but it is the awful pain of not having him actually here that I cannot come to terms with-I miss him so much. I thank God for the day my daughter Michelle sent me your website as without your words I might be in a bad place now. Maureen you are a blessing to me. Take care. Chris
Chris your words of thanks mean so very much. It is so comforting to find that place that feels just right. The missing of their physical presence is always the most difficult thing to deal with and something that ebbs and flows in intensity. I’m not sure if I have shared this link with you before, but if not it might give you an idea of how to soften the feeling of pain for your Dad http://esdeer.com/tmiss/ ~ Heart hugs Maureen
All the while I've been reading this article, I've sat here nodding in agreement. Our son has been gone just over 2.5 years, and I/we are still trying so hard to come to terms with the fact that he's not going to phone or visit…..(though we both feel him with us often).
Our beliefs really do help us stay sane. There are days that the tears flow, uncontrolably (though I don't feel why I should have to try and control them) but the hurt, the horrid emptiness in the gut, gets a tiny bit more bearable.
Thank you for your articles. They have given me a kind of 'comparison' that makes me feel I'm ok feeling the way I do. I know in my heart that our son is now at peace and keeping his eye on us (shaking his head at times)
Thank you. x
Thats so special Mary, keeping his eye on us (shaking his head at times) – how very beautiful. I think we can feel so not ok in our grief because more often than not we spend daily company with those who are not walking in our shoes and dont know what it means to deal with such a loss. Let every single tear flow as it must and I am glad you are knowing that how you are is just fine and you are doing great ~ Maureen
Hi Maureen:::I am like you I believe that there is a heaven and our loved ones are the ones with no pain,no worries and a lot better than we are here on earth…..
Yes Rita totally in agreement there!
I truly believe my son is alive in another place. Whenever I talk about feeling like I am getting messages from him, the response from others is not excited for me but completely unresponsive like they think I am crazy or just a sad pathetic Mom creating irrational interpretations of just random coincidences and then I think I am crazy. BUT when I doubt them something else happens! I am like you Maureen is that I am constantly questioning, constantly searching for understanding and answers. I too look all wide ranges of reading and perspectives. Thank you.
Lauren I think we have to be so careful who we share those precious messages with as those who do not understand can so quickly steal from us a precious gift sent with love. Hugs ~ Maureen
This article came to me at exactly the right time. I have a strong faith and I do believe that my son Austin is in a much better place then here on Earth, but as the article points out. There are very dark days when I ache for his physical presence and my heart feels as though it is breaking into a million pieces. My Hope is that Someday I will join him in Heaven and never have to say Goodbye.
Thank you for all you do Maureen. You are an inspiration to me!
It’s strange how that happens often isnt it Kaye, that the things we need most right then seem to appear. The ache I dont think ever leaves the heart of a mother, although it does change in intensity over the years and yes, I too, look forward to that very joyous day when I will see my own son again – it makes me happy with tears to think of it. Thank you so much for your beautiful words – you too inspire me with your strength, with your courage and with your great love and I’m sure your Austin is giving you a big thumbs up right now. Hugs ~ Maureen
I can't imagine we will ever know where people go until it is our turn, but we take whatever our minds give us for comfort and that's fine, after all truth is always what we make it to be. It is nice to think that they are up 'there' saying 'no, don't get upset – I'm actually having a whale of a time
Pea recently posted..Simple Determination
It is comforting to know that and feel that Pea ~ Maureen
I have just lost my beloved husband two weeks ago today,and though I know in my heart he is now free of pain and in a far better place…I'm finding it so difficult not having his physical body here with me…I miss his voice his warmth and strength,and even though I was his primary care giver ,He certainly walked every step of the way with me..They say memories are a wonderful thing ,and maybe someday they will be for me…But right now the pain is overwhelming..I have been trying to keep myself busy ,but am having trouble trying to stay focused on anything..
Colleen 2 weeks is nothing when it comes to dealing with grief. The reality of the situation is unlikely to have even sunk in. You will feel pain, you will feel the missing and longing of him, you will have trouble focusing on anything except that for a while. Try not to expect too much of yourself at this time and just allow your feelings to be, with gentleness for yourself and what you are dealing with ~ Maureen
Maureen, I wrote to you last week complaining about my church family not being there for me. In reality this is what I did. They were there for me, they all let me know that, but it was I who wouldn't let them in. I stalled my walk with Christ and shame on me. I let my grief consume me for way to long. Oh, Im not saying it's not ok to feel the pain, to cry unexpectedly, etc. It's been a year this month since my son passed. Message to you all….please don't give up believing. Let your faith guide you through your suffering. Seek help if you feel it's consuming you, but know that God will never leave nor forsake you. We may never understand why he took our loved one, but we can bask in the glory that one day we WILL be with them again. I pray for comfort for you all.
Grief is so all consuming Cheryl that often it does indeed blind us to the reality that is there before us. I’m glad you feel supported now by your church and in your faith ~ Maureen
Hello Maureen: I came across your website from a member of our facebook group Signs From Our Loved Ones. I would like to share our website http://www.oursonbilly.com with you, it deals with the loss of our son Billy, our grief and of what helped us in our recovery. There are also a few pages of the different type's of sign's that we have been and continue to recieve from our son Billy. We also have a group page on facebook if you would like to visit and join if you like, http://www.facebook.com/groups/223805824358789/ . Thank you.
Thanks for getting in touch Guy, your website is a beautiful testament to your love for Billy. I love the orbs!
Maureen,
I too was shaking my head, yes, yes, in agreement with what you said in this article. I am in the "confused" stage and am trying to come to terms with my beliefs to find that "hope" and comfort that you mention. And, I am also reading lots of books from different perspectives, and have opened myself to accept things I never thought of before……like talking to a medium. And something you said about "flowers" really touched me, because when I went to see the medium, the first thing she said to me was, "Have you lost someone recently?, because I smell flowers." It has been a year since my son passed in a car accident and it is a challenge to get through each day without him.
Maggie it is an enormous challenge to go on living after we have lost the physical presence of someone we love so very much. It becomes an ongoing process of adjustments and integration of that loss within our very soul. I have seen many mediums and they have all affirmed my son’s love and presence in my life. I am sure that you will find what speaks to you most and what does indeed give you hope and give you comfort in your heart ~ Maureen
When my son first passed 8 months ago. I was not sure if Jesus had accepted Danny. He was not religious or whatever. He had a big heart and was a beautiful stepfather. I believe, I was given a sign shortly after he passed. My other son and I were driving home and in the sky were not one but 2 rainbows. I had never in my life witnessed 2 rainbows @ the same time.
You mention a book, I am going to go and look for that today. I read a book called Embraced by the Light. She visits heaven when she was being operated on. I so loved her book this book came to me a year before my sons passing. I think it was meant to be that way. It was her book that taught me God is not as harsh as we make him out to be here on earth. Sorry this is a little long. Just as I am writing this I remember yes God is all loving. You see I can drive myself insane with the ? is he with God.
Thanks Maureen
What a lovely gift 2 rainbows for you. I think our thoughts and beliefs can often play havoc with our life and our healing but I do believe that our loved ones are safe, as I am sure your beautiful Danny is also. Hugs ~ Maureen
Maureen: I have a new book out titled Healing Grief, Finding Peace: 101 Ways to Cope with the Death of Your Loved One. Two of the strategies (83 & 84) are Trust Mystery and The Unknown and Ask for a Dream or a "Sign.". Give me your business address and I will send uou a copy. Keep up the good work. Lou LaGrand
Thank you Lou I’d be interested in reading it as I am a firm believer in signs and after death communication.
Esdeer, PO Box 1032, Dunsborough. Western Australia 6281 Australia
I would love to share this on my site, loss of a child,
Hi Tami
There is no problem sharing the article, as long as you include this acknowledgement and link when you do so:
“This article was first published by Maureen Hunter, founder of Esdeer. To receive Maureen’s FREE email series “Living Your Life After Loss When You Dont Know How” go to http://www.esdeer.com”
I’m glad you liked it ~ Maureen
Hi Maureen, it is such a hard thing to comprehend what happens after the body is gone. Even if you believe the spirit continues on as I do, there is still the fact that unless you are clairvoyant or clairaudient its difficult to feel or know for real where our loved one is! I wish so much that I was able to 'tune in' to my daughter who passed a few months ago, more often. When I do, usually by sitting quietly meditating, the feeling of her presence is quite strong. The rest of the time, she feels still so far away from me and the grief is still so intense that I can't seem to feel her at all! It's certainly a dance, coming to terms with the immense loss of of a beloved someone, a dance that I hope I will become better at in time. Right now, the moves between 'the worlds' still feels rather jerky, disjointed and hard to do. Thanks for being there Maureen. much love x x x
Michelle I was talking to someone else who lost a child just the other day about that very thing. Oh to have that gift and be able to tune into them and have that connection in an easier way, how wonderful would that be. It can seem like they are so so far away when their physical presence has gone and we so want to have that connection with them in some way. Their presence is with us and yet sometimes as you say it can seem so very far away. Take those moments that she gives you where you can feel her around you knowing that there will be more….as there will be moments where the dance becomes easier, smoother and flows a little better. Hugs ~ Maureen
There seems to always be a blessing in there somewhere…doesn't there? My David was sick for 9 years, living 5+ years past the 6 months he was given! I thought those 9 years were the hardest I ever had to deal with, but now I am seeing that silver lining. Our eldest son said it best…Mom you had more than 5 years of last hugs. He is right! I had the pleasure of caring for David until his purpose here on earth was fulfilled. Devastated at his loss, I think of his last words to us. After 36 hours of being in a coma, he was moved to hospice hospital. Our eldest son and myself, dropped his wheelchair off at the house and went to the hospice hospital, to find David fully alert, excitement in his face like I have never seen and an insight to who was there to take him and how he saw them. Everyone was healthy, whole and smiling. He went back into a coma and passed 24 hours later. I do KNOW that he is walking, pain free and dunking basketballs with his family and friends that came to get him. And I long for the day to see him again. 42 years is just not enough time to spend with this guy!!! Blessings and peace for us all! ; )
What a beautiful story of love and hope Char…Hugs ~ Maureen
Yes I believe with absolute certainty that my daughter is in heaven. I am approaching the one year mark(she was just 17 and it was very sudden as she collapsed during a sport), and it has been extremely difficult for me, and I can't imagine how hard it would be without knowing where she is. "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can not see"–Hebrews 11:1. I remind myself of that all the time. I still want signs, I want to KNOW she is ok ( you know, with my eyes, I want to see it, but I can't) but I know she is ok. I know she is not resting or hurting or missing us, and I believe that it is amazing where she is, but we just miss her so much.
Even though there is hope, there is absolute faith, there is still that longing and missing of them that always sits in a mothers heart Leslie. Dealing with the loss of a child is an ongoing journey and is always a difficult thing to live with. I can honestly say over time it does get easier, there are brighter days and the filling of our hearts with more and more love. Hugs ~ Maureen
Maureen-
I live 1500 miles from my children in Ohio. I had to go home in Dec for my youngest daughters surgery. While home I visited with my oldest daughter 24 and found her under the influance of perscription drugs. As a family we took custody of my two grandchildren 2 and 4. I did this in hopes of waking her up and getting the help she needed. Unfortunately, Feb 1 we found her dead in her apartment.
I question so many things, I have tried to understand and look for the good. I hold on to the fact that I was able to spend 2 month with her and my youngest daughter. I still can not feel her or see her face.The greif is like a dark pit that never ends. Can't eat can't sleep everything is so numb. Everything I have read says that it is natural and I should quit being so hard on myself. I hope she knows how much we all miss her.
Thank you for your blog…..it really is nice to see I am not so alone.
Oh Pam I am so very very sorry to hear of your heartache. It is such early days for you yet you are bound to be numb with pain and in a pit of despair rehashing everything in your mind every single minute. I truly believe they continue to be with us in different ways and know always how much they are loved. Hugs ~ Maureen
Maureen – My daughter Rachel died 5 years ago in Hong Kong during an appendicitis surgery. She was 16 and visiting my cousin at the time. This is a link to an article about her. http://www.mainstreetnews.com/2006/December/BE1213B.html . Anyways, it has been a journey for us. I am a Christian and we found 5 prayer journals after she died of prayers she had written to God. They were amazing. I believe she is in Heaven with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and there is no doubt about it. My husband is a couselor and we lead a Griefshare program at our church. Their website is http://www.griefshare.org. You need to look into this organization. They will give you great guidance. Also, the panel that speaks on the videos are leading pastors, psychologists and lay people from the US and they share great wisdom from their experiances.
I also wanted to share a letter that my daughter's penpal wrote on their 21st birthday (they had the same birthday which is how they were paired up as penpals). This has some great insights. http://immesurablymore.blogspot.com/2011/04/dear-rachel.html
I think grief is always an ongoing journey with so many hills and troughs. Thank you Susie for sharing those resources, it is always good to know of support out there for anyone who is grieving ~ Maureen
Love your message.
It will be 5 years in Nov since my husband passed we would have been married 48 years this June and some days still seem so empty.I have family friends a nice part time job but I still get over welmed.He was a collecter of lots of things and even thought I have cleaned out tons of things still have much to do.I have dated a couple of times but did not feel any connection to date them again,have friends who have met end dating someone regularly .I just want to move on and feel that even if I never find someone that thats ok if I do so be it but people make you feel like if you don't date and find someone your not moving on your living in the past. I was only 17 when we married and never slept with anyone but him,we had a good life not perfect but good loving relationship.How to deal with this and people ?
Paulette it is such a hard thing to grieve and try to find our way in life after the loss of someone we love so very much. There is no pressure to do anything that doesnt feel right for you, and only you will know what is right. Keep him in your life always and fill your heart with the love you have and always will share ~ Maureen
Hey,
I do love this web site! It helps me on a daily basis,and I need all the help I can get. It seems like yesterday,that I lost my son after a Bone Marrow Transplant. He was 12. It was 12 yrs. ago and we just passed what would have been his 24th birthday. You are soooo right about the dark days, they come frequently for me. Our son told us before the transplant…If he didn't make it thru this, then Jesus was ready for him to go home and there was nothing we could do for him down here anyway! This from a 12 yr. old. I have no choice but to believe he is in heaven, and happy.Although, I pray for a time to come when I can receive a message from him. Not yet! I knew I wouldn't receive a message while I still had the anger thing going on ….but I've been thru that and am over it. No more anger! I am still seeing a therapist….still on an anti-depressant. But I'm trying. Sometimes I just don't even wanna get out of the bed. So, thank you for what you post and write, as it truly helps!
I fully believe my daughter is in a beautiful place. She sends me signs as well. The one that really made me know that she’s still watching over us was New Years Eve (her bday is New Years Day) ,about two years ago ,once again I was pondering what she would look like,what would she have become,the same things that always go through my mind st the stroke of midnight. We had some of those battery powered candles that ER put in the window st Christmas to honor her n other loved ones no longer with us. The batteries always lose power not Lo.g after Christmas n that year was no different. I had turned away from her candle when my husband nudged me and whispered ‘look’ .I turned around n her candle was flickering like a lit candle on a birthday cake! We quietly say.g Happy Birthday to her n when we were finished,her candle went back off again! if i had ever had the slightest doubt that she celebrated her birthday in the most glourious way that doubt was erased that night! She lives on n i will be with her again some day!
It is so comforting when they find ways to communicate with us still Mary, thanks for sharing ~ Maureen
We lost our 20 year old daughter last month. Buried her on her 21st birthday. No other tragedy can compare.
However, I have been a person of faith all my life. Faith cannot be explained by logic or rationale actions. It is more than that.
I know my daughter is in a better place. As her brother said at her funeral.. "My sister is fine the rest of us are a mess" is so very true.
Why I believe is complicated and yet simple. I just do..
What if a person is cremated the Bible does not mention cremation at all as an alternative to burial Lasarus as well as Jesus were Buried not burned what about those people/souls how can anyone choose to be cremated Icant wrap my head around it
Maureen,
It's taken me over a year, but I am so glad I found this website. Your posts and those from other grieving parents as well as the e-mails I receive from you are so right on. I finally feel like there are people that understand my pain.
My 22 year old son passed away almost two years ago after a year and a half battle with bone cancer. He left us on June 11th and his 23rd birthday would have been 19 days later. Kissing him goodbye and telling him we loved him before he succumbed to the high dose of morphine was the most heart shattering thing I have ever had to do. He stayed with us in slumber for another 24 hours before he went home with Jesus.
I was holding his hand and stroking his face when he took his final breath and although I thought I had said my goodbyes the night before when they gave him the morphine, something died in me as well when he left. I have not been the same since that day. Each holiday and birthday is a painful reminder of what we have lost. Each day is still emotional and although I live my life like he wanted, I think of him each and every single day and miss him like nothing I could have imagined.
This coming June it will be two years since he left us and on the 30th of that month he will have the milestone we spoke of celebrating, his 25th birthday. Just thinking of that day gives me anxiety and panic attacks. I am dealing with some depression issues, although it is not severe or debilitating. I too am a Christian and am so grateful that I have my faith or I would not have gotten through this. My greatest pain is missing him.
I know my son is out of the pain that crippled him here on Earth and walking on two legs and breathing with healthy lungs. I know he has seen Jesus face to face and is living fully restored in Heaven. I KNOW I am going to see him again. It's the here and now that I am having trouble with. I am waiting and longing to see my child again.
Thank you again for reaching out to all of us who are hurting so much.
God bless you.
Maureen, your words are so inspiring. I just lost my sister to cancer on Valentine's day. I feel like I am drowning, I cry practically everyday. I feel like a choking sensataion like I cannot breathe, the grief is so real! I am so glad i can turn to this page and others and read and feel a bit better. Thank you!
i lost my wife of 56yrs afew weeks ago i am having a time trying to cope but i do not think i can
Don my heart goes out to you. If you havent already please do get my free booklet http://www.esdeer.com/hope it is especially helpful for early grief. Hugs ~ Maureen
Hi , my name is Lacey ill make this short because I’m not like those that talk about my losses , I just wanted to say that even though I don’t talk about losing both of my sisters in auto accidents recently that your words are very inspiring for me of doing so . Your words hit it like the center of a nail driving into a piece of wood . I want to thank you
help please