Living after loss is one of the hardest things we will ever do. I was thinking about it today and how it’s very much like walking a tightrope. We are taking tentative steps back into life amidst the fury of our grief and it’s not an easy thing to do. Whilst there are many who can support us we are the only ones who must walk and walk we do.
It takes great courage to walk this tightrope with many moments of paralyzing grief and stumbling along the way. But most surprising of all is that what we first believed was so impossible has now become possible.
In this short audio recording today, I talk more about this tightrope of life and the admiration I have for you.
Have a listen…..
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Maureen when I was still working my duties as a paramedic kept me very busy, It kept my mind busy too and although my heart was very much heavy and broken with the loss my darling wife who I miss and will never ever stop loving. I retired some time ago and my thoughts are constantly on her I have been in tears most days, Maureen since reading your most comforting words has helped me a great deal I read everything you put on Facebook every day and I thank you for the help and comfort that you give. It will be 9 years on December 8th and on that dayI like to be left alone with my thoughts.
Robert x
Thanks for your beautiful words Robert. Work does give us a focus of sorts and without a focus to divert us and take us somewhere else, we can begin thinking of them even more than we do already. Sometimes we need to give ourselves the grace to think of other things too or our hearts will surely break more and more. You will always miss her, she is part of you forever ~ Maureen ♥
Maureen, Thank you for these comforting words. I needed to hear this today. I miss Marty so much my heart is aching.
Becky Loflin
Marty’s Mama
Excellent audio. The tightrope is a perfect metaphor for what I am attempting…especially a tightrope stretched over roaring and treacherous waters.
I AM TRULY IN A WORLD ALL BY MYSELF SINCE MY WIFE DIED. I GET ALMOST NO CONTACT FROM MY CHILDREN WHO LIVE MANY MILES AWAY. ITS BEEN ALMOST 3 YEARS THAT I SUFFERED THIS DEEP GRIEF AND DEPRESSION BY MYSELF AND IT IS TOTALLY KILLING ME. I TRULY SEE NO REASON TO WANT TO CONTINUE. COMBAT WAS NO WHERE AS BAD. I TRULY CANNOT THINK OF ANY WAY THAT THINGS WOULD GET ANY BETTER. I TRYED TO FIND A MATE BUT MOST OF THE MATCHING WEBSITES WERE SCAMS. HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYONE. IRWIN
I understand how you feel because I’ve been there. Some children are supportive and some are not. It’s also the case with other relatives and friends. No where to be found where grief is concerned. Either they don’t know how to handle our grief or don’t want to. We begin to feel invisable, silent and our tears go unseen. Don’t give up! There are people out there who care and will help you through this. Maybe joining a grief group would help. This web site is a great way to connect with others who feel like you do. Esdeer, also gives us the opportunity to share our feelings and concerns which is so important. I wish you the best. Take care.
Thank you. It has been a year and 6 months since I lost my 9 year old son to cancer. His 11th birthday is July 13th. You describe the journey well. I feel like I am not making progress and crawling or moving backwards and stuck. The grief is so heavy. It is good to know this is a part of the process and one day I will look back and see where I have come from.
One day you will Lauren, you will ~ Maureen
Dear Maureen,
You’re so right about life after loss like being on a tightrope. Everyday is a balancing act trying to function and meet the needs of daily living (or more precisely, survivial). It has been 19 months without my precious 22 yr old son and most days I’m crawling and at times I find I could stand up and walk a few steps on the rope. Some days I fall off and have to climb back and find the balance again. It’s such a lonely journey and as you said no one else can do it for us. Friends and family can only support and be present for us but we are the one to keep walking the tightrope. Thank you.
Nabil’s mom
Dear Maureen,
Walking on a tightrope is exactly how I feel now. Sometimes I rather dive into the hugh grief waves that are swallowing me everyday. No matter how hard my family tries to help me, I always feel the process of grief is a lonely and dark journey with no road leads to light. I will try to keep myself balanced before I see a glimpse of light on the other side. Thank you so much for the video.
Thank you, dear Maureen, your analogy helped me so much today, and, I am sure, will keep me going in days to come. Yet again, thank you for your invaluable support and love.With lots of love,
Marina
Thank you Maureen for sharing with all of us. It has been 8 mo since I lost my 22 yr old son, 3 days before his 23rd birthday. I miss him so much. I do feel as if I am on a tight rope daily. I have learned To just focus on the day and some times just the hour. You are so helpful to many dealing with grief, knowing that someone out there knows exactly how we feel.
Thank you Amy, so sorry that you have lost your precious boy, it hurts so very much. Feel his love with you always ~ Maureen
TODAY I WOKE UP IN THE VERY WORSE DEPRESSION THAT I EVER SUFFERED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I TOLD MY KIDS BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. I TRULY DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN GET THRU THIS DAY. TOMORROW I HAD AN APPOINTMENT AT THE VA BUT DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN GO. HAVING HAD DEPRESSION MY ENTIRE LIFE I CAN TRULY SAY THAT THE ONE THAT I HAVE TODAY IS ORDERS OFR MAGNITUDE WORSE THAT WHAT I NORMALLY SUFFER.
I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DAY. HAVE A GOOD DAY. IRWIN
I feel for you Irwin and all that you are going through. May each coming day bring you a little more lightness and a little more peace ~ Maureen
My daughter died June 4, 2011. She would have been 43 a month later. We were the best of friends. We talked everyday although she lived in another state. She lived 2 months after her accident and I was able to stay with her each day until she passed. I know how you feel about not knowing from day to day what you will do. This seems like a horrible nightmare that I want to wake up from but it doesnt happen. I see her everywhere but I cant reach her. I really dont think time heals this kind of lose. It helps in coming to terms with what happened but you never forget. You need to talk to a professional. I have found some comfort in that. No one else really seems to understand. They have gone on with their lives and really dont want to hear anything about my beautiful child.
I appreciate you so much for sharing what you feel about the tightrope – it seems such a fitting analogy for grief and learning to live again ~ Maureen
What a perfect metaphor you have described. The difficult journey back to the living after losing someone you loved dearly is very treacherous. I have not heard it described as walking on a tightrope before, but it fits almost to a T. The journey is lonely and slow-moving and oftentimes we find ourselves taking steps backwards or falling off the tightrope. Thank you for reminding all of us that the journey through grief is hard, but there is light at the end of the tunnel that is waiting for us.
Ann, I can truly feel what you are going thru. My wife of 49 years dird oct. 9, 2009. I been by myself since. My daughters live in other states and hardly call. I had gone several times to different Dr. for my grief and deep depression but very little results. On Wednesday I had an appointment with a grief doctor at the VA. He was very good and gave me a few idea’s. I hurt my leg going racewalking , told my daughters but they do not seem to care and do not call back. I am in my 80′s and been by myself for almost 3 years. I got 1 short visit in all that time. It’s not getting any easier. I belong to 3 veterans org and try to help anyway that I can. I alway want to help people, my wife was the same way. Ann I wish you peace and may all your days grow easier. Irwin
Thank you mouren for these words of comfort. Tody my heart is so broken after of 7years of a living hell for my 2son. My bone feel so battered and brused. This is really some jjourney of torment