Grieving is an ongoing process of adjusting and adapting to our loss. Over time our needs as those who grieve will change depending on where we are in our grieving and what’s happening in our hearts and in our life.
If we were to write down our needs, they might be different for each one of us, but there are some needs that I believe are common to many who grieve.
When our hearts are broken beyond belief:
We so desperately need someone to accept us for who we are as we grieve. To not judge us, not tell us what to do, not look at us funny because it’s been “too long” but to love us in all our brokenness. A safe place beckons us where we can vent, where we can cry, where we can talk about our anxieties, our fears, our triumphs, our bad days and our better days. We need to know we can be ourselves and there is someone who will listen with caring and compassion.
When our shoulders are deadened with the weight and burdens of our pain and anguish, oh how comforting it would be to be held and reassured that yes we are strong enough to do this. Yes we will get through, because it sure does feel at times as if we are far from strong. We can feel so very vulnerable.
Whilst there is no one who can understand absolutely what we are going through, we reach out in the hope that someone will understand, if not totally at least a little. Someone who will get it and have some idea of the depths of what we feel and the devastating impact it is having on our life.
To know we’re not crazy after all because we were beginning to think with some certainty that we probably were. To feel the relief of seeing, reading or hearing someone else express what we have been afraid to; almost makes us want to cry. We are “normal” after all.
An understanding deep in our hearts that our loved ones are safe, protected and ok. That they continue to know of us and to believe in us. That they know of our anguish, that they know we are trying so very hard to live without them. But more importantly that they know of our great love for them. A love that grows stronger each and every day.
The reassurance to know that we never have to let them go, that they will stay connected to us for the remainder of our lives. Even if we go on to form new relationships, move to different places and heal the most broken parts of ourselves to find a new and different life, a part of them will always be with us.
That somehow, somewhere and with some people they will never be forgotten. Their lives will have meant something and their light will shine forever in the words that are spoken, the memories that are shared and the lives that are touched.
Are these some of your needs?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below.