Have you ever come across a new word that strikes you as so good you wonder why you hadn’t heard of it before? Ive found a new grief word. STUG! Coined by Therese Rando, it just makes total sense and sounds a bit more upbeat than Grief Triggers. I’ve been STUGGED! (Subsequent, Temporary, Upsurge of Grief)
STUGS certainly aren’t much fun when they happen.
There are the STUGS, which we come to expect, the anniversary days, birthdays and family celebrations.
Then there are the ones that come like a bolt out of the blue. Those intense upsurges of grief that take you totally by surprise. They ambush you out of nowhere, triggering an upbubble of grief emotions.
They can happen at any time, and sometimes many years later. They are very common, very normal and part of the grieving process.
Whilst they can often catch you off guard, sometimes you can ‘protect’ yourself a little.
♥ If you think that a TV programme will STUG you, watch something else or limit your time watching the news. If you are worried about attending an event, which has some significance to your loved one, get support. Take a friend with you and put tissues in your bag.
♥ If you read something that stabs you in the heart, allow the tears to come. As the tears flow, know that another bit of hurt is flowing out into the world. You have been touched by love.
♥ I really want to watch Rabbit Hole. I know that it will STUG me bigtime. Therefore, I have to prepare. I have to choose the right time to watch it. I have to accept that I will no doubt cry. I have to decide is it worth it? Is my desire to find out something more, greater than my fear of my reactions and emotions? It is my choice.
♥ Music is highly emotive and can place us right back in time. There may be times when you want to listen and remember and times you don’t. It will also depend on your mood. Do what feels right for you.
Know that each time these things happen you are getting to know your grief more. You are gaining an understanding of your own internal and external triggers. You are learning the art of self-protection. You are processing emotions. Each step of the way, you are recognising and accepting more of what is occuring and in so doing allowing healing to float into the hurt spaces.
For me grief will never be my friend. I regard it as a business associate that I don’t particularly like but have to find ways to work with. I have and am. You will too.