Have you ever come across a new word that strikes you as so good you wonder why you hadn’t heard of it before? Ive found a new grief word. STUG! Coined by Therese Rando, it just makes total sense and sounds a bit more upbeat than Grief Triggers. I’ve been STUGGED! (Subsequent, Temporary, Upsurge of Grief)
STUGS certainly aren’t much fun when they happen.
There are the STUGS, which we come to expect, the anniversary days, birthdays and family celebrations.
Then there are the ones that come like a bolt out of the blue. Those intense upsurges of grief that take you totally by surprise. They ambush you out of nowhere, triggering an upbubble of grief emotions.
They can happen at any time, and sometimes many years later. They are very common, very normal and part of the grieving process.
Whilst they can often catch you off guard, sometimes you can ‘protect’ yourself a little.
♥ If you think that a TV programme will STUG you, watch something else or limit your time watching the news. If you are worried about attending an event, which has some significance to your loved one, get support. Take a friend with you and put tissues in your bag.
♥ If you read something that stabs you in the heart, allow the tears to come. As the tears flow, know that another bit of hurt is flowing out into the world. You have been touched by love.
♥ I really want to watch Rabbit Hole. I know that it will STUG me bigtime. Therefore, I have to prepare. I have to choose the right time to watch it. I have to accept that I will no doubt cry. I have to decide is it worth it? Is my desire to find out something more, greater than my fear of my reactions and emotions? It is my choice.
♥ Music is highly emotive and can place us right back in time. There may be times when you want to listen and remember and times you don’t. It will also depend on your mood. Do what feels right for you.
Know that each time these things happen you are getting to know your grief more. You are gaining an understanding of your own internal and external triggers. You are learning the art of self-protection. You are processing emotions. Each step of the way, you are recognising and accepting more of what is occuring and in so doing allowing healing to float into the hurt spaces.
For me grief will never be my friend. I regard it as a business associate that I don’t particularly like but have to find ways to work with. I have and am. You will too.
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The word “stug” even makes me laugh a little, such that I don’t mind so much being “stugged.” If it sneaks up on me, I imagine I’d think: “Oh, there I go, being stugged again.” As such, the grief process becomes more natural as opposed to something that I need to resist.
Great concept, Maureen! Thanks so much for sharing! =)
Samantha Bangayan recently posted..Have You Fascinated Someone Today
It does have an upbeat feel about it, doesnt it Samantha. Sometimes we need that when we are grieving, it sounds uplifting just saying it!
Several years ago I had a very severe car accident. I asked my doctor, “when will this terrible pain go away”? Her answer: “when you learn to love your pain”.
30 years ago my 2 1/2 year old daughter died of a brain tumor and while I don’t think I have ever learned to “love” that experience, I have certainly discovered THOUSANDS of blessings, and am thankful for the lessons that I have learned from the experience; and thankful for Lindsey and everything that she has taught me since her death.
This year, 2 days after Christmas, my 37 year old son was murdered. I pray that I will someday discover the blessings and miracles that will emerge from this horrific experience. My beautiful boy was taken just as he was beginning to turn his life around. I think about my boy everyday, all day. He and his sister are my best friends.
Please God, help me get through this so that I can find the miracles….
Oh Beth, my heart goes out to you on the loss of your beautiful children. I cant begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling right now with the murder of your son.
In the early days of grief the anguish robs us of all ability to see beyond the fog of agony we find ourselves in. The pain is all consuming entering our body, our soul and our mind. We are in survival mode…nothing else, nothing more is possible.
Beth I send you my love, blessings and courage to get through this and know in your heart you will, with the love of your children surrounding you xxx
Maureen Hunter recently posted..I’ve Been Stugged!
I lost my dear grandmother who stands as my Mom since by mother have to work far from home year ago. Things I’ve found comforting include:
She’s now at peace with our Creator, and she will not suffer another pain here again.
People sharing memories of my grandmother and saying good things about her and that how she was so proud of me. Oh how this brightens my day or moment.
But the most important thing that I have learned from it, I have found myself stronger than before and there’s a personal growth in me. Just like you, I will not allow grief to befriend me..
Thanks for this post.
Lynne
Lynne, I am so sorry about your grandmother. Thank you so much for sharing what has comforted you in your grief and the lessons and gifts that have come about from that experience.
Maureen Hunter recently posted..I’ve Been Stugged!
I had to google stug to find out what it is all about! Now I get it, I usually don’t cry when I see movies that “require” me to STUG, but then I always felt terrible after watching them Once I started Stugging I realized I felt a lot better later. So stugging it should be.
P.S. I watched Rabbit hole and stugged like a baby!
Hajra recently posted..RENTING TROUBLE!
My divorce became final last week. It only took us 2 months to decide how to resolve everything. Even though it's not death of a person, it is death of an 18 year relationship, and in a way, death of the person I once loved. I feel grief about the loss of trust that I once felt and the loss of security. I have 2 beautiful girls that I share with the man I once called my husband… in a way, they are my STUGs that remind me of the love I once had.
There is always the pain of separation and the ache of grief that comes from the loss of a marriage. My heart goes out to you Ann ~ Maureen