Do you get impatient with your grief? Wish it would go away. Wish you could have it over and done with. It’s so painful – enough already!!
If only we could. As much as we wish it, it will have it’s way with us. It will tumble and spin us and spit us out. Then it will decide to gobble us whole again.
There can be no getting away from it. There comes a time when realisation dawns. That inner knowing that we must experience and feel our grief for all that it is. That we must go through it and let it sit with us until its ferocity is ready to leave us for a bit. And we even learn and grow in acceptance. The acceptance that it is a frequent visitor. It regurgitates through us and through our life.
To seed this new life for ourselves is finally to surrender to our grief and to our loss.
To know its fury and its nuances.
To begin to face forwards.
And to begin to face life again.
It’s not an easy life nor the life we ever envisioned. Oh how very different it is, this life of contrasts. This life that begins to bring us its nuggets of truth for us to digest as best we can. This life that we have now snakes its way through the harsh winters and the blazing summer suns.
We will unfurl and will grow into it. We will begin to seed and plant our new and very different life. Each in our own way and in our own time. And one thing we will always know, that the seeds of love will be forever planted in the gardens of our heart.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Maureen, I’ve been following your articles since I lost my wonderful father, my hero on 14 July. This is just to say thank you as your words and thoughts seem to mirror my own every time. After a few weeks of thinking I was doing better, I once again find myself exhausted and consumed by my grief, and so very frustrated with myself. Just to know this is ok and, dare I say it, “normal” helps me not to feel so alone and powerless in the face of my overwhelming emotions. You help to give me the strength I so desperately need to take another step towards living again, which I know I must do for me, my lovely mom, my courageous brother and my amazing husband. Thank you. Ps. Its mothers day in the UK – sending you warm thoughts.
Thank you Maureen, always right on track with what I NEED to hear!!
You would never believe the velocity and stubborness of this journey of grief, unless you experience it first hand. No one knows but us. We could never imagine this is where our journey would lead us, certainly wasn’t on our radar for the future of our life!!
As it knocks me down again and again, and I feel sometimes I will never get through it, little signs or words of encouragement or guidance come into my heart. I know they are divinely sent. It’s a lot about not knowing, just letting go and letting God. Because we are unable to predict where it may take us next, jsut got to surrender and hold onto Love, gratitude and forgiveness. I feel these are the way forward, even though at times I feel like I’m thrown right back to the beginning intensity of my Grief journey, it certainly is a strange phenomena…..unique to us who are grieving…..and unique again to us Mother’s who have lost a child….way too early. Thank you for being a friend, sending us your feelings and thoughts to guide us….forever grateful. Love and Hugs Janelle xo
Such encouraging words Maureen – thank you. Acceptance of this new life, without my son, without the future I had imagined, is such an ongoing and longterm process.
It will be six years next month since Elliot died, and perhaps it’s only now that I can look back and see that I have travelled far. That the darkness of grief is not always right by my side, but instead I can also celebrate and see the learning from this terrible yet incredible and inspiring journey, and begin to turn towards the future with confidence that I will manage…..that I can have life to look forward to.
Above the dark layer of grief and loss, life can go on and we can move forward stronger and wiser than we ever were or could have been without the ongoing, day-to-day experience of remembering and honouring our loved ones’ lives.
Lots of love and strength to you all on your journeys, Clare xx
Maureen, thank you so much for your encouraging words.
You always seem to say the right thing , just what I need to hear. I am so thankful I found you on Facebook. I can’t even remember how it came about but truly, I would be lost without the daily messages and your articles. It has helped me so much.
I am in the process of getting back on to the bus
xxx
It’s so interesting to me. I’ve had a lot of loss in my life and I know I look at things differently than some, similarly to others. We are all on our own journey.
I recently wrote a brief post regarding my brother, Chris. He transitioned in 1968, I was 7. Grief is always there but generally when I think of him, I think of a wise soul who looks out for me (though when he was in physical I was 3 years older). And even looking in pictures of him, there’s a couple that really stand out to me and see him as a very advanced soul indeed…
Thank you. Here’s the blog I wrote on Chris if you are interested: http://empowerment4you.com/he-still-here/
Sue
Sue recently posted..He Is Still Here
Hello Maureen,
These feelings, these stages are impossible to describe and mostly leave us speechless. Your ability to put it in words, saying it like it is, like it feels, is so very helpful, and courageous. Thank you -
Halina (Denmark)
Thank you for your lovely thoughts and sharing how you are traversing this road of grieving we are all on ~ Maureen
I’m still waiting till the day I can experience something wonderful without crying afterward because my husband, mom, & dad are not here to share it with me. It’s good to know the grief will subside someday. Thanks for your posting.