Something we all have to face in our grief is the significant days that come around each and every year -namely the birthdays and the anniversaries. Days that are now changed, forever different and are now for us to navigate through as best we can. Some of them will trigger our grief; some of them will give us pause to remember them with a deep love in our hearts. We may even be able to celebrate the life they lived, who they were and the legacy they have imprinted in our hearts forever.
How we each spend such days is highly individual and each of us must come to them in our own way. We may be all but obliterated in the lead up and just relieved when the day is finally over. We may let the day unfold without structure or planning. Or we may decide on a get together of sorts or a planned remembrance for the day.
Last week it was my spirit son’s birthday. Had he lived this would have been his 24th birthday and at times such as these I think of him and his life more keenly. It made me wonder what he would be doing now. Where would he be living? How would his life have unfolded? The musings that can never be answered but can just be dreamt of and lingered over for a time.
On such days he is uppermost in my mind. I can’t divert my thoughts to very much else and I don’t really want to or have need to. It is his special day. The day he came into the world and stayed for just a short little while and in so doing brought so many blessings to my life. That’s what I like to remember on days such as these. Now I find I can more easily. Now I am able to focus more on his life, on his love and on our connection. It is easier, much easier than it was. Of course I miss him. Of course I would turn back the clock and change things in an instant if I could. Of course there is sadness intermingled with everything else. It’s been a gradual coming around of sorts to honouring him and remembering him. Now I find I am able to dwell on the wonder of him, his love, his life, our time together. It’s become much more than myself alone. It’s greater than my loss alone.
Here’s the special things I did on his day, for me and for him:
I wrote a note to him in my journal wishing him a Happy Birthday
I acknowledged the day and posted a message on Facebook for all to see and know of him and my love for him
I accepted with grace the loving kindness offered to me by so many on the day, including his beloved brother and sister
I cranked up The Blues Brothers soundtrack in the car and thought of the time we sang and danced under the stars camping at Ningaloo
I asked for a sign as I sat on the rocks looking out to the ocean….I waited and it came
I wrote his name in the middle of a blank piece of paper and in bubbles all around captured the forever memories stored in my heart
I spent time with my dog and cat both rescued and brought into my life through my son
I donated to the RSPCA in his name because his love of animals was so profound
I baked him a yummy chocolate cake, one of his favourites. Love oozed out of that cake.
You will find your own ways to navigate through such days and to remember them in ways that are meaningful for you. Ways that will keep them with you always, in the blessed sanctuary of your heart, in your love, in your memories and in your life.
I’ve just shared with you a few of mine but I have included many more remembrance ideas to help you in “Remembering with Love: Keep Them in Your Heart Always” >>>>>>