We all have a story, many stories. Our stories make up the fabric of who we are and their threads lay themselves down forming networks for us to walk upon. They are the events in our lives that have brought us to today. Some of you have many scars to tell you where you have come from, yet others relatively few. But either way your life is a smorgasbord of tales, a jumble of happy and now great sorrow that makes you – you.When grief has imploded the very being of who we are and exploded all that we had to look forward to we can feel so very lost. We don't know who we are anymore and much less don't really care. It takes over our lives and we lose sight of ourselves, our hope and our future.
When we can't see for the fog that surrounds us because its dampness creeps into every crevice of our being, it’s so very hard to see what we do have. The strengths within us which have been built on and through our stories. The little things that make us who we are and the simple moments that get us from one minute to the next as we grieve.
It all starts with I am.
I am the person who……….
Loves my family with all my heart
Loves hearing my son's name
Loves the beach
Loves cuddles with my dog
Loves dark chocolate baccis
Takes each day as it comes
Takes lots of photos
Takes hours in a book shop
Takes time for me
Takes a little bit of goodness with me whenever I can
Believes in the power of love
Believes in the invisible threads that connect two worlds
Believes in a greater power
Believes in others easier than I can myself
Believes simple is best
Is loving
Is kind
Is trying
Is generous
Is imperfect
Is me
I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below
Maureen Hunter is an inspirational writer and grief steps mentor giving comfort and hope to many. She is passionate about helping people to step through grief and build a new and different life after loss, one in which their loved one is always a part of.
{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
Hello Maureen, I do feel some days that I know who I am….others I feel lost and not too sure where I should be etc…but I certainly do get comfort from your words of wisdom each day…I try and apprieciate time* now a bit more as is sooo precious, but have a Birthday coming up next week so I am not sure what I will do as they are hard to deal with without hubby as he always spoilt me so much!…If I can I may go off to another town for the day and do some shopping just for me*…thats prob the only way I can deal with it…just dont want to sit here at home wondering if and who will ring me…Id rather keep busy…So I guess I am saying …I am strong in one sence but yet still so vunerable in another….Take care Maureen…I know you are here with me all the way…Huggggss XX
Maureen, I echo the above sentiments. Your words are inspirational and give me hope.
My grief is very new and raw, dealing with 2 losses in a short time. My ENTIRE world is upside down. Your poem hit homes because even in my grief, there is still so much joy. I am overwhelmed with the love and support from my family and friends. I try to focus on the good, the here and now, and not slide down to a very dark and sad place.. I know it is there and wish not to go there. It would not honor the memory of my family. It will not set a path for me and my son to move forward.
I am constantly reminded of the preciousness of life.
hugs to you
claudia
i wonder if i will ever be my self again the lost of my wife of 56yrs is more then i can handle you have inspired me to try THANKS
Donald in many ways a part of ourselves also dies when we lose someone we love so very much. The most surprising thing is that in that space we can begin to grow ourselves in new and different ways around our hurt and the ache in our hearts. Our loved ones always remain a part of our new, a part of us..always ~ Maureen
Thank you Maureen for your inspirational messages! They help lift me up on days that are really dark and keep me going on days I am a little stronger.
Michelle
Your messages always seem to come to me when I need a little more strength to get through another day. Besides the loss of my wonderful husband Randy and the 1st anniversary of his death coming up on April 27th, the loss of my Mom on Aug 9th, now my Dad passed away on April 13th. I feel sometimes like I have no tears left and am running on robot mode as I go through the motions once again in planning all the arrangements. Thank you Maureen for offering up your words of wisdom and encouragement to us all.
Every word you wrote is so very true. Still, after a year has passed, there are days that I don't know who I am. The pain isn't as "up front" as it was in the beginning but it is still there, every day. God how I miss my dear beautiful son and always will. One day at a time, baby steps at a time is how I am getting through this, and I'm sure a lot of other people are getting through their loss the same way. I don't know how else to do it. I look forward to your messages every day. Hope you are happy and healthy. Sincerely. Marilyn
Thank you Maueen! It was exactly what I needed this morning! Today it has been 2 years and 3 months since Marty died after undergoing what a cardiovascular surgeon told us was a routine "textbook" surgery. You words inspire and encourage me and I am so grateful that I found you. You have helped me survive so many days!
Becky Loflin
Marty's Mama
Maureen,
I lost my 16 year old daughter very suddenly to illness on January 2nd. Her death has not only affected me beyond words but all of her classmates as well. We live in a very small community , she attended a high school of 300 . I had her "Sarah" cremated so I could keep her at home with me. I did not realize that this decision would also affect the kids because they have no gravesite to go to. So we are in the process of making a memorial garden outside my home, next to a bonfire ring that Sarah always enjoyed. This garden will have a bench , lots of purple flowers and trees , and we are surrounding the garden with big flat rocks. The rocks are for the kids to write on with permanent marker their memories or thoughts to Sarah. Sometimes I worry about how her death affected these kids more than it does me, I supposed thats my mothering mechanism trying to help them all I can. I still cry everyday, but I am functioning. I pray everyday, knowing God has a plan for me, and for him to show me the way he wants me to go.
Thank you, for everything. The emails help so much
Debbie Hennen
Debbie your memorial garden sounds wonderful. Your love for Sarah is yours alone, it is a beautiful thing that you are doing with the garden for the kids. Keeping Sarahs ashes with you is a beautiful thing you are doing for you, a way of keeping her close to you each and every day. Hugs ~ Maureen
Good morning, Maureen. Your mention of liking to hear your son's name struck a chord with me. In the four months since her passing, I have been surrounded every day with ladies with my daughter, Cindy's, name. Not a day has passed that I haven't heard from a Cindy or met a new Cindy, or heard about a Cindy, and they're all in the 40-60 age bracket. Cindy was 53. It's been so amazing and so comforting. I directed the play "Steel Magnolias" in March with rehearsals all through January and February. There were three Cindys in the play and seven more Cindys working on and with the play. They were the arms of my Cindy helping me through those difficult months with so much compassion and love. I have been so blessed. Thank you for you being you and sharing you with us.
Good morning!
It has only been 6 months since my husband passed away, and some days I don't know how I get through them. My family and friends tell me I am a strong person, but at times I feel as helpless as a baby. David and I only had 9 months if being married before he died, but the sweet part of all this, is that he was my very first love. We grew up together and when I was 15 and he 18 he joined the service, I thought he was a man of the world that first time he came home on leave, I got scared and told him I didn't want to see him again. I broke his heart, he told me this. Anyway we went our se parate ways, had our lives and children and I got divorced . stayed divorced and after 47 years of not keeping in contact, he found me again, he too was alone again. When we met again, it was like not 47 years had passed but it was a following week-end and we were going out again. We got married in January of 2011 and my beloved David died in October of 2011. We had 9 wonderful months together, even through his sickness, it was a roller coaster ride but I would get in that seat next to him and do it all over again if I could. He loved to tell our love story, I miss him so much, and your words that I read everyday help, just wanted you to know this.
I am working very hard everyday to restart my life. No, it wasn't my husband or father or son who passed, it was my Brother. Many of my acquaintances seem not to hold the same value of grief if it is your brother. I love my brother so much, always have, always will. I have to be strong and hide my grief or be judged. I have heard comments, they can't understand why I still grieve, "after all he was 65 years old with a physical disability, he lived longer than most." He is my best friend, I love him, I miss him. Thank you for allowing me to grieve at my own pace. You are my only connection to express my sadness.
I am so sorry to hear about your brother Marcia. There is no greater feeling of aloneness than not feeling safe to be who we are in the ways we grieve. Its something I’ve been writing more about. Sending you heart hugs ~ Maureen
It's been almost 10 months since my son passed away. Some days are better than others but the sadness is always there. Even through laughter, I feel the emptyness that his death has left in my soul. I still feel such anger sometimes because he was taken so suddenly, and left behind a 5 year old son that adored him. I sometimes feel like I just want to give in to the darkness of depression but then I have to shake that off quickly and be thankful for the memories of him that I have. Those are what get me through this nightmare. Thank you for the poem, I felt like you were talking directly to me.
I agree with someone above, this was much needed today! Thank you for all that you do, it truly is a gift from God.
Hi Janie, I lost my son also, 8 weeks ago, and to share that pain with others who know how you feel is helpful. I know you will find strength in your grandson and the light he wil shine on your days! Maureen is an inspiration to us all, and to see that something positive and reaching out to others, in her time of pain, is so honourable and encouraging. Yes that darkness of depression seems not far away, but then think of my family, my other two wonderful children and find some strength to go on. I will take my son into every positive moment of every day as he is in my heart forever. Thank you for sharing. We will get thru this one moment at a time through God's grace. Janelle
s I sat and read your poem, I found myself saying what I would say in my head. Things like how I used to be before my son, Jason, passed away. Slowly, I am getting back to where I used to be. The one thing I never gave up on is my love of being with my family. My dog is there for me no matter what. He's by my side when I start having one of those meltdown days giving that look like it's going to be okay! I am learning to take time for myself again. I get though each day as another step to healing my pain. My son's old classmates have been reaching out to me. They loved and adored my son. They tell me what a great job I did in raising my son as a single parent. They tell me how my son was there for them in their time of need when they were having issues in their lives. My son was 33 years old when he passed away suddenly from Acute Promyelocyctic Leukemia (APL) a year and 3 months ago. I also find it helps to talk about his passing. I was not in this place of mind before I joined your site, Maureen. You showed me how to take those steps to healing.
Hi Susan, your comment resonated with me, I lost my darling son Ashley 8 weeks ago, he was just 23 yrs old. Yes I will miss him forever, but know as each day passes I can live in his honour, make his life count. I have my meltdown days, and know they will reduce to meltdown moments, I will always love my son that will never change and as we, his family, move on step by step, day by day we will take him into every part of our lives. He is in my heart forever. I feel his love all around me. Sometimes you get glimpses of HOPE other times it feels impossible to just take the next step, it is a rollercoaster, this journey of grief. The scarey thing is knowing it wont ever go away, and to see peoples' pain, who are way ahead on their journey, but I take comfort in support and knowing somehow, someday I will smile again and feel joyful moments creep back into my day. Thank you for sharing Susan. God Bless You! Janelle
Susan it is such a blessing to me to hear you say that. Thank you, losing our beloved sons is not something we ever wanted but together we are walking through our grief ~ Maureen
My Dearest Maureen though there have been many many tears through each and every message and e-mail of Hope and Love that you have Shared with me–Lots and Lots of Tears some days just too much and cannot even read the remainder of what you have written but either way—You Have Been a Blessing in Making Me Look a Little Closer at My Life and Those Around me While i am in This Fog of Grief–and sorry like i said though i cry though almost everyone at the same time every message is one that I NEED to hear so i thank you so very much for being so giving of yourself and reaching out and helping others–Thank you thank you and God Bless You!!! Always With Love Sunday
Sunday thank you. Even through all your tears and through all the messages you feel you need to hear know that its ok to be you. If they are a blessing I am so very pleased but if they arent right for you at that moment, let them fly, thats OK too. Hugs ~ Maureen
I do know that I have a hard time existing without my man, Terry. Even though it has been 18 months since he died, it still feels like yesterday. I never trusted and loved a man as much as I did him. He was my soul mate. He hasn't come to me in my dreams but I see signs that I believe are him. We had 9 years together and understood me in more ways than anyone could. I truly look know that one day we will be together when it is my turn. I am a cancer survivor and many days I wonder why did he get taken and not me. He worked so hard and wanted to live so badly. I love you Terry with all my heart. orever and always. Pam
So very true all of the replys – it has been 11 months since my husband died in a work related accident – we were married 40 years and so longing and waiting for retirement – we really enjoyed each others company – sometimes I can not bare to live another moment – than all of a sudden it goes away and I am just lost – do not know which way to turn. He also worked very hard and wanted to live. I cry everyday.
Thank You Maureen for sharing and helping everyone through this journey. Nancy
Nancy I feel so very much for you. Grief really does feel that we have been amputated from the one we love and from our future. I believe in you and I believe that you will get through this with love always in your heart ~ Maureen
I am the person who…
Loves my husband even though he has passed away
Loves the support my family and friends give me
Loves walking on the beach
Loves watching the waves roll in
Loves blue sky and sunshine
Takes time to come to terms with this loss
Takes comfort from my family
Takes help from my friends
Takes lots of photos to capture memories
Take long walks to think
Believes that love is eternal
Believes that my husband is still around me and helping me,
Believes in trying to be positive
Believes in all that is good
Believes that life will get better one day
Is positive
Is loving
Is trusting
Is praying
Is hopeful
Thank you Maureen for being there for me and for all your positive and supportive words of comfort to help us all get through this hard time in our lives. Hugs Sara xx
Dear Sara, Thank you for your positive post, just to hear that there is hope through this most overwhelming pain, gives us all hope. I think you are honouring your husband in all this positive and supportive messages. Losing my son only 8 weeks ago, feeling connected to other people in their loss has been most helpful, and to find that little glimmer of hope, somewhere amongst these many sad and unbearable moments. We continue to love, and somehow find faith and trust that our loved ones are ok and that we will continue our journey with them very close in our hearts forever! May we share and uplift others in our journey. Thank You….Janelle
Thank you for sharing you Sara, thats beautiful
Maureen, thank you from the bottom of my heart, you have been an inspiration since my sons passing 8 weeks ago. In unbearable moments you shine a positive light and gently help us through these dark and heavy days. I see glimmers of hope but know that I will always feel my loss deeply but also love my son and find some positive way, like you, to honour his young life (23 years). May we continue to share and lift each others spirit as we journey this rocky and individual road of grief. The love for our sons, gives us strength at times when we feel we have no more. Our loved ones are our gift, we need to honour their memory as you have done. You have touched so many people and given them hope to go on. Hugs Janelle
Dear Maureen, Despite the wonderful help you give to others by supporting us and letting us know we are not alone and that tomorrow can be a better day, I also want to acknowledge the loss you share with us. I want to say sorry for your family's loss. You are so inspirational to this support network. I am so glad I joined and can share the feeling that i am not alone. Every day is hard. But I still get up and face it. This is life I guess and with life comes death. I LOVED that poem I hope you dont mind i am going to copy it and change it so its about me and who I am. Thank you.
Thank you Maureen…that is so very true!!!
Maureen,
I did need this today and I thank you.You always know what to say to help get me through another day. You are truely blessed for all you do and for those of us you try to help put our lives in some kind of order. Hugs!!
Rebecca
Dear Maureen, Once again you've been an inspiration and hope through your articles. It has been a 'heavy'day for me today and reading your words lightened it up and gave me hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I'm struggling with the emptiness without my son and it has been nearly 17 months living in his absence. But one thing I know is that I'm determined to be a better mom to his two younger sisters so that he will continue to be proud that I am his mother. I hope to be able to live lfe in the way that reflects his many characters including generosity, kindness, thoughtfulness and humbleness.
Thank you Maureen for giving us hope and support through your writings.]
Thank you for sharing with us your strength and support helps each day. It has been almost 6 years ago that i lost my brother/best friend. I lived the first year in extreme anger then went to counseling for a bit. Life has gotten better for me but June 9 in coming and so many more things have changed and i have to live with the feeling that i am all by myself. My mom walks her line of grief and that is different then mine i know. Life with her has been and still is difficult. She treats me different which has always been but things are very stranded between us. I live with the feeling im not good enough nor am i the chosen child that is my brother who died at the age of 32. Every mistake i have ever made comes back to bit me all the time and the person who reminds me of them is my mom. I know she loves me but so much don't feel it. Tried talking about it but make things worse. I was left as an only child and i get angry that i no longer have my brother to talk to get a hug and he is the only one who truely understands my feelings when it comes to my mom. I have people that care about me but still feel alone. Thank you
Angelica it seems that in our grief, even if we have others who support us, there is such feeling of loneliness that comes from not only our loss, but also what happens in our life. Sending you hugs ~ Maureen
Maureen,
Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom. I lost my dad 4 months ago due to ALZ. He was 80 yrs. old and was very sick towards the end. We had to make the toughest decision ro place him in a nursing home. We are all still grieving over his death. Sometimes the tears just won't stop. My parents were married 55 yrs. and raised 4 children. I am the youngest and spent a good amount of time with my dad. I was born with a spinal birth defect so I am wheelchair bound.
Again, thank you for helping me get through each and every day.
Tambra Gomez
I lost my husband last year. We were together for 19 years, my life will never be normal again. I lost my best friend and my soul mate. Your page gets me through the days.x
Maureen, I do enjoy your posts for sure. And I have to say that grieving is one of the hardest things God allows us to go through. The first anniversary of my sons death just passed. Pain? If you haven't lost a child…you can't begin to understand. But, I haven't lost a spouse either so trust me I'm not comparing. What I feel I need to mention however that most people aren't posting about their grieving, is knowing the fact that although we are in pain, God is right there with us the whole time. This is so important to understand! He wrote he will never leave or forsake us and he won't!! If you believe in Jesus Christ, believe that he died for your sins, and admit that you are a sinner…you are promised a place in Heaven. I can put my head on a pillow at night knowing I will one day see my son in Heaven because of this. It's God's promise. So please people, I know the pain you feel, but give it to God. He'll take it. He loves you. I hope this helps even one person. It helped me.
Thank you Maureen <3 you are a true blessing in my life <3 I look forward to reading your articles daily … they help me get thru life <3 Thank you
Maureen thank you for caring! You are that special hug from a friend, when there are no words, only tears. I wish I could send everyone a hug, and tell them I care. But most of all I wish I could have my Daddy back, for just one more “I love you Daddy”. You see I wasn’t ready just yet to let him go, I begged and pleaded with God “PLEASE DON’T TAKE MY DADDY”. I will gladly take his place. And then that went from please God don’t let him suffer, to please take him God. On the 13th day we walked my Daddy to the hospice floor and had him unplugged. The man who gave me life, who I had been honored to have as my precious Daddy lay there. All we could do is hold you Daddy while you died. They told us you would just go to sleep, but it didn’t just happen that way. They told us that, that was the greatest act of love for that was not you laying there anymore. They told us that your suffering would be over, but they didn’t tell us that our suffering will never end. They didn’t tell us that a part of us would die with you. Sometimes I wonder why just a part, and not all of me could of died with you. But I got to walk that last mile with you. Now I am left with this shell of a person, a life I use to know. I LOVE YOU DADDY, miss eye…..
The loss of my husband and soulmate has put me in a place I just cannot seem to leave. The tears fall as I remember all the things we did together and all the plans we still had that we will never be able to do. I miss him more with each passing day. He has been gone for 16 months now and I still find myself waiting for him to come home.
love the I am poem, would love to create one that represents me. love your site.
My Name is Pam. I lost the love of my life on Aug. 15, 2010 1 1/2 months after being diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. We were together for 9 years. I survived cancer but he didn't. I lost my kidney on June 3, 2010, he was diagnosed July 1, 2010, died Aug, 15, 2010. I am lost with out him and I hate my life without him. I had to move from our home in Oct. 2010 because my landlord then foreclosed it. I have not been able to be at peace at all with this. I miss us, I miss me.
Together… we get thru… ♥
Prayers always in progress for all of us…
Some days – it's one day at a time, other days – its one moment at a time…
And until we see our loved ones again, GOD & they are watchin over us, walking every step of our ways with us – just not in ways that we are used to or would prefer ;o)
Sending much love & lite out to everyone… ♥
I lost my dad suddenly 8 months ago. At the time I was in Asia working as a missionary. I was able to go home for the funeral and I am now back overseas. Sometimes I don't feel like I should be experiencing as much sorrow and having such a hard time with his death because its not like I lost a child or spouse. You expect to lose your parents. I was extremely close to my dad and we did everything together since my parents divorced when I was 12. I think I am having such a difficult time because I'm only 30, I have at least half of my life left and sometimes I can't face the fact that I have to live it without him. I'm single and do not have kids yet, he was an amazing grampa to my nieces and nephews, and it breaks my heart that he will never know my children. I just try to remember that God blessed my with an amazing daddy and I am lucky to have had him in my life for as long as I did.
I lost my mom 3 months ago. It was so sudden, she was diagnosed with liver cancer on December 29 and she passed away on January 11, 2012. I was still adjusting to her being sick, as she was healthy up until about the middle of December, and then she was gone. I know what that lost feeling is like. My mother was our family’s rock. Sometimes it seems like we are slipping away as a complete family, nothing is the same. My mom took care of my dad who is a disabled veteran. Everyone assumed my dad would pass away first from one of his many ailments. We are all taking care of him and I love every minute that I am able to spend time with him. What I am finding though is that I want to spend all of my time with him. I have three children and a husband so I know I can’t, but if I could u would move in with him. Their home is the only place I want to be right now even as hard as it is to look at my mom’s chair she always sat in. I signed up for your emails for the 30 days and it helped but sometimes I feel like I am on this never ending roller coaster but I am happy knowing she is in Heave with my savior right now. Thanks for all that you do!
I just joined your fb page and It has really helped me. My 29 y.o. husband went to be with Gos just 3 weeks ago….at 21, I still don’t know how I will recover and be a mom and dad to our 16 month old and 2 month old but the inspiration on your page makes me realize that I’m not alone. Thank you so much.
I appreciate you saying hello on FBk Hannah and feeling so very much for you right now. Knowing that you aren’t so alone can be such a big help at such a devastating time, so pleased we are able to walk alongside you ~ Maureen
I am finding myself feeling jealous of Mothers and daughters right now. My daughter died on January 2nd at 16 years old, all her friends and their moms want to include me in all their plans. I have been going some but I find myself bothered by the relationships , because I no longer have that. Is this a normal feeling?
Debbie, you might find these articles helpful ~ Maureen
http://esdeer.com/crippling-loneliness-of-grief/
http://esdeer.com/youre-not-normal-critics-life-grief/