Getting used to the absence of the physical presence of our loved ones is so very hard.
Oh how we miss them so.
Their touch.
Their voice.
Their smell.
Their laugh.
Their sayings.
Their visits.
Their phone calls.
Their hugs.
Their everything.
Their love.
Their love stays with us always and yet we so long for more. To connect with them in some way. To know they are with us still. To know that their presence endures just out of sight beyond our knowing but never beyond our loving.
Our loving is eternal and so we wish.
“I wish. I wish upon a star………………..”
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Maureen,
Your emails and posts give me such hope that maybe one day I might be happy again. You completely understand what grieving moms are going through and validate our feelings which mean so very much…
Sincerely,
Janet Lewis
Winston Salem NC
Hi Maureen,
All the best to you Maureen and I am sorry that you also belong to this club of grieving parents. I appreciate your thoughts and advice, however I also think that we have to want to take it on board and that is where I still fail at this stage (selfish? self indulgent? or just normal??? I don’t know). Thanks for the loving, caring insight of how it will probably pan out though in our future existence. Take care of yourself Maureen and I will continue to read your pages. Love Julie, WA.
My friend has put me in contact with your site and I am new to it today. My son Ashley passed away 19 months ago tomorrow in a car accident. Every day he is never more than 15 minutes absent from my thoughts. Every day I talk to him, reminisce with him, every single day I cry and my chest still has that tight pain that you yourself would be familiar with. To me there is just an ‘existence’ now, not so much ‘a life’ I must remember that my other 2 kids still need me and Ash wants me to remember that I’m sure….that’s the way he is, never selfish, thoughtful of others and always with a sense of what’s right, even though he is such a larrakin. This is my first subscription email from you and as with all Ashley’s signs to me, it is apt for how I feel most at the moment. The pure grief of not being able to physically touch, hug and kiss him is unbearable. To go from kissing him goodnight every night, sharing all our meals and daily conversations (as we are farmers working together) is so very very hard. I long to hear him talk back to us and be part of our everyday life again. I want to see him marry the love of his life and have kids so that he can understand the immense unconditional love a parent has. I fear, amongst other things, that I might forget the sound of his voice, his laugh, cheeky smile and the sparkly look of his eyes. I guess it’s more that I don’t want him to become hazy. You are so right, the missing of physical presence is the hardest thing to endure, even though I don’t doubt for one minute that he is right by our side when he chooses to be. I also hope that his message bank never fills up as we can hear his voice message if we ring his mobile
Thinking of you Julie and so wonderful that your beautiful Ash is surrounding you with love. There is no “fail” in grief, we are all getting through as best we can in our own way. I always say, “Take what speaks to you and let the rest go” . Lovely to hear from a fellow West Aussie x
I miss everything that could have and should have been…all the ordinary days and the special events, the graduation, the wedding, the future grandchildren, the hugs, the laughs, the arguments, the smiles, the visits, the dinners, …
SadMama recently posted..A Mother’s Tears
Your posting is timely. Have just returned from a week of caring for my sister’s 4 boys while she and her husband travel. Unintentionally comparing my son’s unique personality to these 4 boys made me miss him more than ever. Now I have returned home to my husband and our too quiet home and the reentry is paralyzing. It has been about a year and a half since we lost our only child to cancer and the world is moving forward. The phone does not ring much, friends are moving on with their lives and I am still struggling everyday. When I open my eyes I dread facing another day without my son. I decided it is time to go to therapy and am shocked on how hard it is to find a grief councelor and deal with the cost and insurance. Have tried support group but a room full of such intense pain only sucked me down further into the depths of despair. Just feel like I am drowning, trying to keep my head above water, alone in this journey. I do believe Gage is around us and have had dreams and signs. Most recent dreams were disturbing and I think they are guilt dreams. This is a lonely journey.
Dear Maureen,
I am still grieving after almost 2 years for my husband. How I long to see him
and hear his voice and feel his touch. I had a really emotional crying spell yesterday and today I read your poem and it said what I feel. You are very helpful and I thank you. Grieving never ends we just need to adapt to another way of being. I know our loved ones are always near.
my son was found on mar 20 3 days before his 30 bd…i knew he was going to pass away the last time i spoke. he had seizures all his life and many issues he was very smart and loving…He told me he hit his head and went to the er and they sent him home…the next night he was gone and i didnt call to check on him till his dad asked me to 3 days later…he lived to far i dont have a car…i knew when he didnt answer the phone but i was in denial..in my heart i knew..we were so close…i was in shock after seeing him dead and took went into not remembering anything i fell and got a concussion was in the hospital for 3 weeks and in physical rehab…my family disowned me saying i was ignorant to act like that and my youngest son got married and didnt invite me recently..they all say i shouldnt be grieving and i still have other kids but they all are grown and more like their dad….rocco was like me……i just cant get over losing my best friend and son…i go to the cemetary at least everyweek sometimes 2 times they say im crazy…does any one go thru what i go thru….i wish i knwe what to do my story is so long it would make you not believe ti
Feel for you so much Mary Jane your pain and your heartache. Reading your words and similar stories from many others is why I wrote “Whats Normal” to give a voice to those of us who grieve that we are not crazy but our hearts are bleeding for those we love ~ Maureen
Hi Mary Jane. I have not lost a child but I did lose my beautiful dad and best friend nearly 2 years ago. He was 83 and had cancer and thankfully my daughter and I were with him till the very end. But after 2 years I am still grieving and can’t stand people (some as early as 3 months after he went) saying that I should be over it!!! Sometimes I think I may be crazy/abnormal but I lost my best friend/dad/confidant and I don’t think I will “get over” losing him. I love him and miss him so so much. As with me I’m sure you have lots of loving, funny memories that will get you through the tough times. It helps me to think of the many fun times dad and I spent together but I will never forget him. Take care. Chris
Chris, You will never “get over it”, and shouldn’t have to! We are merely learning to live without them and carry out our daily lives, that’s all. We can’t “get over” the great bond of friendship! People who said “get over it” clearly never had such a strong bond, nor a great loss like you, and I have. They can’t even comprehend your heartbreak. And, if you are a believer, than you’re friendship continues as you await your reunion. I lost my Mom, my closest friend, 6 months ago to cancer when she was only 65. She was vibrant and healthy, then wham! Cancer took her quickly. She was my light and joy, and loved me more than anyone else on this planet. Life without her is dull and lonely, but I cannot think of me, I must continue spreading the joy just like she did. So to honor her, I help others. That is my peace. I live to make her proud, and honor her kind spirit. Perhaps you can live out the remainder of your days in honor of your Dad? It is the only mission I have, and gets me thru. And everyday you’re one day older, is another step closer to seeing him again!
My wife Glenda passed June 29, 2012, I feel so sorry for my Daughter Debi 55 years old and son Bill 56 years old, someone took a very healthey person and put lung cancer in her and in 10 months she was told she had two months to live, my 9 Grand chlidren and 3 great also greave but not like Debi and Bill.
Some how I have to keep her spark alive.
Stan Gaunt
Keep her love, memories and the essence of who she is with you always Stan, let all the wonder of Glenda shine bright in your heart forever ~ Maureen
your words are so true to my heart and feelings.The loss of my only child has left me with an emptiness,sadness and loneliness that i never thought was possible to feel.Thank you.for your articles as they seem to bring a flicker of hope …however brief….to my thoughts.