How often have we heard people say to us ~ “Time, it takes time” or “Time heals?” I wish I could say this was true. I wish I could tell you that with the passing of time alone all will be well. That somehow with time there will be better days and our life will reappear if we just wait.
We all know of people whose hearts are still leaden with the heaviness of profound grief years and years after the death of a loved one. Time has done nothing to ease the burden in their heart. So what does time do? It gives us the space to adjust to what has happened. It gives us the days and nights to begin to get our heads around the blur that is our life now. It can take us further away from the catastrophic events that have occurred and allow some perspective to enter the haze of our disbelief.
However time alone has no power. It cannot heal your grief. It cannot get you the support you need. It cannot help you find ways to get through the agony of your present existence. It cannot deal with the emotions that rage night and day. It cannot bring small pleasures back into your life once more. Only you can do that. Your actions, your thoughts, your behaviour and your habits are what will get you through and back into living after loss. That is what will begin to bring healing into your life, never time alone, though time is present always as we grieve.
It is how you get through from one moment to the next ~ breathing through the seconds and the hours. Inching along one minute at a time.
It is what you do on any given day finding ways to keep our loved one a part of our life, in our heart and in our memories.
It is how much time is given up to feeling the agony of our grief. For there is no way that healing can begin to enter a heart that is full to brimming with pent up emotion and sorrow. Using our time to spend some of it in the guts of our grief, painful as it is. Feeling it, being it and expressing it.
It is in the moments that we seek release in the distractions of the world and find a degree of comfort through the senses of our body. No one can be with the intensity of grief 24/7 that alone will cripple us and paralyse our life. Let us allow ourselves to feel, see, hear and touch beauty in our world.
It is in the quiet moments of reflection when we consider how we will live now. Will we surrender to the pain of it and give up or will we make up our mind to rise, to live for us and for our loved one.
It is in the time we take to go to that meeting, make that phone call or attend that appointment because we realise we just can’t do this alone. And there is great strength in deciding that for ourselves and for our future.
Time will heal nothing; we must do something if we want to heal. We must actively grieve our loss and start to bring life back to us. It is never easy, it takes guts and gumption and is the hardest thing we will ever do but we will. We are the lynchpins in our life’s journey. In the small steps of today we begin to walk our path into tomorrow and the next day.
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