I recently wrote an article called “The Highway of Life: Get back on the bus!” It focused on our decision to find a new way of being after the loss of our loved one and re-engaging with life again, amidst our grief. I wrote:
“Stepping back onto the bus and getting onto the highway of life takes courage, but more than that, it takes a commitment to you.”
After that article was published a few people said to me that they wanted to get back on the bus, but they didn’t know how. They didn’t know where to start or what to do. Could I give them some idea of how to actually get back on that bus?
I’m so glad they asked me to help, because so often we are just cast adrift in our grief and have no idea what we can do which may help us to survive the loss of our loved one. So in this video I want to share with you 6 tips for surviving loss that may help you in stepping up and getting back on the bus.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Truly wonderful suggestions and steps to take to get back on the bus, Maureen — very sound advice! Love your video. You poured so much of yourself and your expertise and your compassion into this video. Proud to know you!
Because I care about you and not to be critical in any way … I might recommend a little ‘shorter’ video next time. Believe it or not, most people’s attention span with videos is only a couple of minutes. Hope you’ll take this suggestion with the love it is shared with.
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Thanks Melanie for your inspiring comment and glad to have the feedback. I got carried away with the moment recording this and it just flowed – everything I wanted to share. It did end up longer than I had anticipated…shorter ones can convey just as important messages.
Maureen, this is the first time I’ve ever tuned in to any video online (aside from silly You-tube stuff, that is) and thank you for posting this.
I think that social media has changed the face of the grief network/support system.
I’m not sure, without facebook, if my support system would be as strong. Yes, I have loving and caring people around me at work and at home – but on facebook, I’m connected – however tenuously – with people I haven’t seen in 25 years but whom I still count as friends, people who are distantly related, people who are closely related – they check in often enough to check my “grief barometer” and their comments and “likes” and “((hugs))” and “<3" or whatever else they chose to post, whether it is long or brief – it all helps me to know that they care, and have taken time from their busy lives to check in with me in this small way and offer their support.
"Old school" support would mean letters, cards, phone calls, visits – all of those things dwindle, as we know – but with electronic media, it's easy to zip a brief message (or a longer one, if you're so inclined) and sometimes, that brief interaction is all I *need* to know that I'm not forgotten, my child isn't forgotten, my grief means something to someone other than myself.
Does that make any sense, without sounding completely narcissistic?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that Facebook has helped take off some of the pressure – and I hope it helps the support system to feel a little less pressured – People always want to help, to DO something, but no one ever knows what. Social media shouldn't ever completely replace face to face interactions when it comes to – well, anything! – but don't discount the support that one can receive from creating a facebook page for your loved one, or (in some areas) a "Caring bridge" page – any web site.
My son's page started out as a means to keep friends & family updated on his condition when we were at the hospital for so long, without having to make a million different phone calls – the page has evolved over time to a place to share information about pediatric brain cancer, his Relay for Life team updates, and of course, sharing your videos and articles. We also post quotes and comments that are inspirational, and share memories.
For me, it was a therapeutic thing to "think/write out loud" the things I maybe couldn't say without choking up.
I'm waiting at the bus stop, I think – and one of these days I'll get back on the bus and see where it takes me.
Those "grief monkeys" are still alive and well some day, and if we could all get rid of our "monkeys" whether they stem from grief or other things, life could be one heck of a bus ride
Thanks, Maureen – we are going to miss you – but thank you so much for sharing your insights and advice with us.
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