We can be engulfed in a dense cloak of grief so dark that it’s impossible to see beyond the folds that smother us and smother our life. The heavy black ensnares us and we have trouble seeing anything but darkness. We become lost in the cloak of our story, blackened by our very devastating loss.
How do we begin to see light returning and the grip of our cloak loosening?
One of the ways for myself was to be with what I was naturally drawn to, something I felt at home with. Those things in my life that wrapped around me in different ways, nurturing and sustaining me. They became my ‘companions’ through my grief and later I was able to say my pleasures.
Of course, in the beginning, there is no pleasure, there is nothing but pain, everything else is meaningless. So we just go through the motions of getting through and trying as best we can. But in that act of doing and being with our ‘things’ we loosen the cloak around us a little. Something that we may not recognise till later, in retrospective, but which our heart and soul give thanks for immediately.
Here’s what got me through – my 5 things:
Nature – Having some connection with the natural world was so very healing for my being. Our wonderful world can be a tremendous help as our senses open up to life. We hear the birds, feel the wind rustling through the trees. We can see beauty outside of us when there is none in our heart.
My Jessie girl – My beautiful dog made me get up, made me do something other than lay down and die myself. Having a pet to focus on can be a huge motivator and nurturer in our grief. We have to feed them, walk them and cuddle our sorrow into them and breathe back their unconditional love.
Journaling – I write so I wrote. Poems, letters and dreams. Words on a page sometimes in BIG HUGE letters about my BIG HUGE feelings. It all came tumbling out with my tears and later with some smiles as well. My journal still gets me through any stumbling blocks that come my way and now I buy the most glorious ones I can find.
My Family – They are so important to me and no more so after having the unpredictability of life come crashing through my front door. I love them, appreciate them and spend time with them feeling forever grateful for their love and support in return. Some people I know with no family or estranged families have gone on to find new families in other wonderful people or chosen to reach out and support those in need, bringing much needed connection back into their lives.
Reading – I couldn’t tell you the numbers of books I read about grief. I wanted to know everything including was I normal and how long was this unbelievable pain going to last? Books are my fact finders, my solace, my inspiration, my escapism and my fun.
So what are your 5 things, what is going to help or is getting you through? We all need them. I used to say “I need all the help I can get!”
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below.