This Sunday is Fathers Day in Australia and New Zealand. On that day we remember our Dads and I send love to those who miss them so.
This is an article I wrote earlier this year. May it bring a little ease to your heart this Father’s Day.
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Father’s Day is filled with the joy and celebration of recognition and acknowledgement, the coming together with family in moments of togetherness. Yet for many it can be tinged with great sadness. For those who know the pain of grief, this day can be one of the many which triggers our loss once more. A day filled with bittersweet memories and the ache of longing.This day impacts those who not only are physically missing a beloved father or father figure, but for those who are Dads themselves and feeling the stab that comes from their child not being there to say hello, or come by on this much celebrated family day. A Dad is always a Dad, no matter whether their child was with them for a whisper in time or for a number of years, the bond remains. Then there are those whose fathers have drifted off to a place that is unreachable, a place where their mind is untouchable and we have them but we don’t. In all of this there a deep void that hangs in the air and it hurts.
It is a natural thing to focus on what we don’t have on this day because it hurts so very much, yet impossible as it seems there is much we do have. Our loved ones imprint themselves on us in ways that we often don’t recognise and celebrate, in ways that will remain with us always. Today this is what we have and how we can honour and remember the many beautiful special Dads on this day.
You will never lose your love – your love for them and theirs for you. It is there a constant pendulum swinging between the two of you.
Feel the essence of them within you – their mannerisms, their joy, their habits, their pursuits, themselves. Bring that to mind, remember them with love, with gratitude, with laughter on this day. Share a beautiful memory, speak their name, eat their favourite food. Live them, celebrate them.
What did they give you that is yours to keep always – tap into that today. What did they teach you? What values did you share? Their stories, their life, their view of the world are yours to take a piece of and hold tight.
What do you love most above all about them? – your one special thing, the one that encapsulates all that they were and all that they are. Keep it, treasure it and let it bloom in your heart today.
Bring this with you wherever you go this Father’s Day. There will be sadness, there will be missing and wishing. Yet amidst that let them imprint themselves in your very being, in the deepest ache of your heart and in the tears that fall from your eyes. Feel their love and feel the essence of who they are with you always.
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below.
Maureen Hunter is an inspirational writer and grief steps mentor giving comfort and hope to many. She is passionate about helping people to step through grief and build a new and different life after loss, one in which their loved one is always a part of.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Maureen,
Father's day scares me. We lost our 22 year old son in December to a ruptured brain aneurysm and he was my husband's best friend and cherished son. We are all just so broken and lost without Michael. Today is our daughter's 27th birthday and instead of being happy, she is sad to move into another year, the first without her brother. I know it will be a very hard day because I survived Mother's day and cried throught the whole thing. This is just horrible and hurts so much I can't stand it. It hurts even more to see my daughter and husband so sad. Feels like it will never end. Lori
My son lost his father at 10 and is now 13 and i although i feel so bad for him all the time, i think this is the hardest day of the year, but then again everyday is hard, and he probably see's some of his friends doing things for their father;s and it always breaks my heart…The guilt i feel is so overwhelming at times….Cathy
Feel for you and your son Cathy. Amongst all the emotions there may be opportunities to find the gift of love and the gift of remembrance that you and your son can both do together. Kids seem to love planning and getting involved in stuff like that. This is the Fathers Day article I wrote last year which might give you some ideas, it doesnt have to be this day, you could do it on any day when you feel like expressing your love and your missing together in a way thats not too painful ~ Maureen http://esdeer.com/fathersday/
15 months ago I lost my 15 yr old daughter Aubrey to DIPG. My father has been gone now for about 15 or 16 yrs. The emotions I have felt the last two fathers days can be difficult to navigate through. The hole in me left by my daughter makes the day almost unbearable but having her little sister around makes it alittle easier. It sure would be nice too if I could call my Dad and wish him a happy Fathers Day again. A very bittersweet holiday
I don't know how I am going to get through Fathers Day,just about 2 weeks ago was the 1st. anniversary of his passing and it was hell,did'nt know if I'd get through it.In alot of ways it was worse than when he passed,I was'nt in shock any more.Thank you for your insight it has helped…
Will be thinking of you Maxine, feel his love always ~ Maureen
My favorite mieormes have been the time spent in the KITCHEN with my dad. He taught me all of his tricks of the trade from baking the fluffiest rolls to cooking a juicy pot roast.I never realized until I was older (and married) how incredibly rare it is to find a man who can not just cook, but cook delicious food. Because of him My pride and joy is cooking and something I am known for.How many women can say, I’m the cook I am today because of my DAD!! ?Thanks dad!
This is my first father's day since we unexpectedly lost my dad on November 27, 2012. I have been doing a lot of crying the last couple of days and it isn't even father's day yet. I am not looking forward to this day at all. This post will help me get through the day and ease the pain a little. Thank you so much.
Father's day stirs up so much grief for me. My dad chooses not to be a part of my life, which I swear hurts more than if he just died.
Still trying to hold on to the good, though.