The cracks appear unbidden. Slowly arising up from the deep down places where we normally store the grumblings and challenges of life. Unable to prevent their rumbling mission, the cracks weave their way across the surface pores of all that we know. Their constant meandering breaks through our knowing and understanding underpinning the very foundations of our life. We no longer look the same, feel the same or behave the same. The cracks have left an indelible imprint. We will be forever changed and we have become lost to who we now are.
Profound loss or indeed any adversity in life can leave us with unrecognisable cracks in the very fibre of our being. The thought of just getting through one minute of one day is daunting enough, never mind the thought of ever being able to fill those cracks and live some semblence of a happy life again.
I used to think the same. I thought my cracks would never fill. I believed I would be forever broken, irrepairable and destined for a life of not a great deal other than a broken heart and a yearning to be whererever my son was. I have heard this from so many others who have faced devastating loss.
Unbelievably, and no more so than to myself, my cracks started to fill. The gaping holes that appeared are no more though you can see where they once were, forever etched in the body of my life and my soul.
When I think back to the miraculous turn of events that led to this transformation, initially it began in the beginning. It’s the only place to start:
1) Allow the cracks to do all their dirty work, feel their trajectory through your life, live it, experience it. Let the meandering go where it will.
2) Wear blinkers. Look neither left nor right. Focus your gaze on the here and now, trusting that the horizon will broaden and reveal itself to you in due course.
3) Start with one small step at a time and walk.
4) Know that you are doing the best you can and keep judgement and expectation on the sidelines where they belong.
5) Find sacred places in your heart where love will stay forever.
6) Always face forwards, pointing in the direction that you want to go.
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful …….. Barbara Bloom
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Reconstruction after an earthquake cannot begin until the major aftershocks have subsided. Yes, further destruction can occur, because the major structures, the “glue holding things together”, has been weakened. But, regrowth can only occur once the base has stabilized.
That is exactly what happens after profound loss or change in one’s personal circumstances.
Great post, Maureen.
Roy A. Ackerman, PhD, EA recently posted..OK. I’m game…Are you?
Thanks Roy for your insights
Maureen Hunter recently posted..Filling the Cracks of Life
Thanks for your recent article on filling the cracks. I am intrigued by the Japanese way of mending withthe gold … that concept of valuing the wounding and glorifying the crack with gold has a lot in it. Anything more you can add to that?
It is a great concept isnt it Nancy? I’d finished my article and was looking for a quote to round it all off and came on that one. I havent delved any further deeper into the literal or metaphorical meaning of the Japanese ceramics. It would certainly make for more writing on the theme.
Maureen Hunter recently posted..Filling the Cracks of Life
I was inspired by reading this. Wonderful post. Thank you for sharing.
It’s lovely to have your comments Catherine. It’s always a blessing to know that it has been inspirational in some way.
Maureen Hunter recently posted..Filling the Cracks of Life
Beautifully written and I love your six steps…all of them are so healing, but my favorite is #4. Learning to trust yourself, uncover a process that works for you and grant yourself the patience to move through creates self-compassion that isn’t always the most natural response when trying to pick up the pieces.
Tambre Leighn/coaching by tambre recently posted..If You’re Body Could Talk…
I think my favourite is #6. Being self compassionate is a huge gift we can give ourselves at any time in our lives, but one many of us, myself included, sometimes struggle with.
Maureen Hunter recently posted..Filling the Cracks of Life
Always face forward is a wonderful statement Maureen. But I have to tell you when I saw the title and started reading the first paragraph, I thought you were talking about my ‘cracks’ or wrinkles we find on our face! Now they are hard to ‘fill’ !!
I like the facing forwards too Lynn, and yes it could have so easily been talking about our character lines. I did even think of that myself as I was writing the post
Maureen Hunter recently posted..Filling the Cracks of Life
Your six steps are wonderful Maureen. Standing in the here and now and allowing yourself to feel your cracks and experince them fully is the hardest part of healing, but such an important one. It is so hard to imagine that someday you will heal, thanks for sharing this so others can find hope that they will eventually visit that sacred place in the heart where only love resides. Beautiful!
Thanks Bonnie. I know these steps sound wonderful in the written world but there is no doubt they are so very hard, extremely challenging and forever demanding in the real world. I’d be happy if I was able to sprinkle a snowflake of hope on each hurting heart to believe that healing is possible and will come.
Maureen Hunter recently posted..Filling the Cracks of Life
Love the Japanese philosophy. It makes you wonder then about the wrinkles – maybe they deserve more respect and need to be honoured more – they are the badges of survival.
Roberta Budvietas, recently posted..Stuck Generalizing the Generations
I liken them to wrinkles almost Roberta, the lines that show others where we have been, our trajectory through life. I like “the badges of survival” those cracks that mean so very much.
It’s so simple but I’ve seen #3 make a huge difference in the lives of many people who’ve suffered deep loss and encountered tragic events. One tiny step at a time in a forward direction. Just getting in motion, along with strong faith and reliance on our heavenly Father is so important.
You’ve probably seen this, Maureen, that the persons who are overcome with grief and resulting health and emotional issues are the ones who stayed in that mode. It’s hard, but taking action away from the situation and moving towards hope are essential. Excellent post!
Yvonne A Jones recently posted..Twitter for Customer Service – How Can Small Businesses Benefit?
I know its deceptively simple Yvonne, but I think in life we tend to overanalyse and complicate things so very much. I too believe absolutely that a faith and belief in our ability to heal, amidst the not knowing how as such, is part of whether we will or not.
Thanks I need to start to try to fill some cracks
This is a great article! I think we all need to be proud of the cracks and almost worship them as they make us the person we are, or will be. My cracks seem a little deep right now but going slowly and allowing time for healing and just being is so very important. I came across this quote by Ernest Hemmingway, "The world breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong at the broken places." Thank you for sharing your wisdom and guidance.
Hi Maureen,
I know what you mean by wanting to be wherever your son was. I want to be where my Mom is…I don’t like it here without her. Although it’s been almost 8 months, some days it feels like yesterday and I feel desperate for help. It is the hardest while I am at work, because if I don’t have enough to do, I think….thinking is bad for me, because I think of what we went though last year (espohageal cancer) and losing her…this makes me extremely lonely. She was my best friend. Everyone gathered round, as they do after a death, but they have now moved on and they are busy with their lives. It seems that they have no time for me and my broken heart. Why would they? I spent most of my time with her. I hang on to a neighbour, who became a good friend of my family and knew my Mom. She hurts too and is very helpful to me. But the ability of all others to move on hurts. They are so lucky and they don’t even see what they have.
Wonderful post about the cracks in life. Filling the cracks with gold, a great analogy for filling our life’s cracks with fortitude and extra love, for ones self and other beings. Thanks, Maureen! xoxox Liz from Cali