The cracks appear unbidden. Slowly arising up from the deep down places where we normally store the grumblings and challenges of life. Unable to prevent their rumbling mission, the cracks weave their way across the surface pores of all that we know. Their constant meandering breaks through our knowing and understanding underpinning the very foundations of our life. We no longer look the same, feel the same or behave the same. The cracks have left an indelible imprint. We will be forever changed and we have become lost to who we now are.
Profound loss or indeed any adversity in life can leave us with unrecognisable cracks in the very fibre of our being. The thought of just getting through one minute of one day is daunting enough, never mind the thought of ever being able to fill those cracks and live some semblence of a happy life again.
I used to think the same. I thought my cracks would never fill. I believed I would be forever broken, irrepairable and destined for a life of not a great deal other than a broken heart and a yearning to be whererever my son was. I have heard this from so many others who have faced devastating loss.
Unbelievably, and no more so than to myself, my cracks started to fill. The gaping holes that appeared are no more though you can see where they once were, forever etched in the body of my life and my soul.
When I think back to the miraculous turn of events that led to this transformation, initially it began in the beginning. It’s the only place to start:
1) Allow the cracks to do all their dirty work, feel their trajectory through your life, live it, experience it. Let the meandering go where it will.
2) Wear blinkers. Look neither left nor right. Focus your gaze on the here and now, trusting that the horizon will broaden and reveal itself to you in due course.
3) Start with one small step at a time and walk.
4) Know that you are doing the best you can and keep judgement and expectation on the sidelines where they belong.
5) Find sacred places in your heart where love will stay forever.
6) Always face forwards, pointing in the direction that you want to go.
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful …….. Barbara Bloom