“What counts is not the enormity of the task but the size of the courage…..Matthieu RicardImage courtesy of Imani Project
When you first lose a loved one, grief permeates the very soul of your being. You don’t even consider courage. All your focus centres on the pain that has descended on your body, mind and spirit. You are surviving, how you don’t quite know. Certainly nothing more. Over time that place becomes very uncomfortable. You may be shifting around trying to escape. Each time you can’t seem to. You find yourself defeated again and again by the enormity of the pain that sits in your heart, pressing in and around you.
How many times have you cried out?
“I can’t do this!”
“Please, please help me”
“I want my son/daughter/husband/friend/wife back”
“This is so unfair, it’s not fair, it’s so unfair”
“Why? Why me? Why our family?”
Just writing this, I can remember when I was screaming and crying those very same things. I was in the very same place that you might be right now.
Although I didn’t do it consciously, I know at some stage I found courage. I found it spontaneously. I found an inner strength to enable me to look beyond my current reality and shift.
1. The ability to do something that frightens one.
2. Strength in the face of pain or grief.
It may not happen spontaneously for you. You may have to work on being courageous in your grief.
Judy Tatelbaum says, “One way to learn courage is to experiment with being courageous” She talks of noticing courage, pretending courage and trying courage.
Choose your words wisely – speak courage: The way in which you use words can impact you in ways you are not even aware of. Eliminate self-defeating words from your vocabulary. Replace them with power words for you. Even if you don’t believe what you are saying…pretend courage. It is putting that belief deep into your pscyhe.
“I can do this” “I will do this for…”
Turn your back on what you don’t want – try courage: I know I have spoken about this before. It is a subtle yet powerful way to impact your healing. Imagine in your mind’s eye that you have turned your back on all that pain. Just turn your back on it. It is a powerful metaphor for a barrier, a shield between you and the pain of grief. This does not mean you turn your back on your loved one. They are always with you, always journeying alongside you.
You are strength – notice courage: Remind yourself every day of your strength. Fill yourself up to overflowing with your courage to face the world and keep on. It is in the little things, that you are strong. It is in the being of life that you are strong.
I went for a walk
I had a special picture framed
I looked after my children
I went to work
I stayed in bed, because I needed to that day
I got up again